Friends Like These
by ElectricZ
Summary: ME2- Tali notices Commander Shepard behaving strangely and fearing Cerberus influence enlists the other members of the original Normandy crew to investigate. Garrus, Tali, Joker, Chakwas and Shepard.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N - Just a short two/three part story as a little break from another project. Takes place earlier in the ME2 timeline, a month or so after _Just Like Old Times, _and some time before _Second. **

* * *

><p><em>"Come see me in engineering when you get back. Urgent. -T"<em>

Garrus plucked the handwritten note written on a purple stick-it from the hatch to the forward battery. _Tali is at it again,_ he thought to himself as he folded the note between his talons. He sighed and walked slowly back down the stairs towards the lift.

Mess Sargeant Gardner nodded at him as he passed by the galley a second time. "Forget something, Garrus?"

He held up the note as he walked. "Nope. Just another present from my secret admirer. How long ago was she up here?"

"Bout ten minutes. She went in to see the Doc right afterwards. Maybe you can catch her."

"Thanks," Garrus said, his eyes turning toward the med bay windows. The compartment was empty and Dr. Chakwas nowhere in sight. He wondered what had gotten under Tali's suit this time? Ever since coming aboard, she had been obsessed with the idea that Cerberus was spying on her and everyone on the ship. So when she had something important to discuss, she wouldn't use the comm channels or instant messenger because it might be monitored. Instead she'd leave cryptic notes for secret meetings when she wanted to talk about something sensitive, which usually meant a field trip to the drive core.

But, he had to remind himself, she'd only been on the ship for a few weeks and hadn't had time to adjust and trust the new crew like he had. She just needed time.

_Besides, it gets you out of the battery,_ he thought. He'd been spending far too much time in there as it was. After two months on the new _Normandy_, he was almost finished calibrating the weapon systems to peak efficiency. Another day or two and he'd be done with it, he was sure. He could afford to take a little time off. He sauntered through the mess, waving or nodding at the off-duty personnel sitting around the tables as he made his way to the lift.

* * *

><p>"Garrus!" Tali stood up from the rail overlooking the drive core. Joker and Dr. Chakwas both stood with their back to the access way but turned when Tali said his name. The throbbing hum of the mass effect generators filled the chamber.<p>

"Well isn't this a nice little gathering," Garrus said, joining the small circle. "Should we call Shepard down here? Make it a proper reunion?"

At the mention of Shepard's name, Tali stiffened and began to pace. "That's what we're here to talk about."

"A reunion?" Garrus said and glanced about. "Let me guess. You're having trouble picking out a centerpiece for the table?"

"No," Tali stopped and glared at him. "We're talking about Shepard!"

Joker gave Garrus a _here-we-go-again_ look.

"What about him?"

Tali pulled up her omnitool. "I've noticed something. Every time the _Normandy_ has docked at the Citadel, Shepard checks himself out and is gone an extra hour. We've been back four times since I've been on board. And each time-"

Garrus cleared his throat. It was no secret that on the original Alliance _Normandy,_ Tali had a strange habit of turning up wherever the Commander happened to be almost any time he wasn't in CIC. It stopped being coincidence the day Kaiden observed Tali entering and leaving the galley carrying her protein shake no less than five times. It turned out Shepard had his regular lunch delayed by a lengthy call to the Council. And on her sixth pass through Tali "happened" to run into him and he invited her to sit and eat with him. After that, her excursions throughout the ship in search of the Commander became legendary. He lowered his head and peered at the quarian from under his brow. "Tali, you're not... uh... stalking him again, are you?"

Tali held up her omnitool. "No. I was just going over his- hey! _Stalking_ him?"

Her friends stared at her silently.

"I never- I didn't! So you honestly think I..."

Joker hmmm-ed and nodded. "Yeah, ya kinda did. It was a little creepy, even for me."

"I was just trying to familiarize myself with the ship!" Tali protested. "It was my duty as assistant engineer!"

Chakwas smiled warmly at Tali. "I thought it was sweet. I don't think he minded at all."

"Wait, does Shepard think I was...? Oh, keelah..." Tali said and leaned against the railing, suddenly out of breath.

"You weren't fooling anyone," Garrus said. "Even Wrex knew, and he wasn't exactly up on the social scene."

Tali gave an exasperated gasp.

"Geez, Tali," Joker sounded hurt. "You never stalked me. She stalk you at all, Garrus?"

Garrus shook his head sadly and held up Tali's note between his talons. "No. All I get are post-its, and they're never very romantic..."

"You are deliberately misinterpreting my actions," Tali switched off her omni. "Nice to see some things never change. And here I was worried you two might have actually grown up!"

"Don't pay them any attention, dear," the Doctor said. "What were you wanting to tell us?"

"I was saying," Tali glared at the two males who were still busy smirking at each other and reactivated her omnitool, "any time he goes off the ship, Shepard has to log himself out with the warden..."

"Warden?" Chakwas asked.

Garrus leaned close to the Doctor's ear. "Miranda."

"Oh."

Tali continued, holding her omni for the others to inspect. "He always logs where he will be going and how long he will be."

"And?" Garrus asked. Suddenly, he found himself missing his calibrations.

"And recently, each time we dock, there's a window when he is unaccounted for." Tali brought up her records. "You can see the people he's logged himself as visiting here, and side trips to see friends like Anderson here, even time taken shopping for souvenirs. But then there are gaps when he just... disappears."

Garrus winced at her collection of data. The amount of detail in the record was disturbing. "Don't you think this is a little obsessive?"

Tali flung her hands to her sides. "These are Cerberus records, not mine. Like I keep telling you, they're tracking all of us like this!"

"That's them," Garrus' voice was firm. "Not us. We're supposed to be better than they are, right?"

"We are," Tali said. "But Shepard never goes anywhere alone. He always takes somebody with him. But now it's like he's trying to hide something."

Garrus sighed. "Well if Cerberus is spying on him, they must not be too worried about what he's during this missing time. No one has made any mention of it before."

"My point exactly," Tali began to pace. "They may be responsible for it. We don't know _what_ Cerberus did to him while they had him, or what they're making him do. It's not like him to just... wander off like that without telling anybody."

The two humans and the turian all glanced at one another uncertainly.

Garrus shrugged. "Tali, the Commander is... the Commander. I've been with him for months now, and I assure you he's fine. Whatever he's doing out there, I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation. And the man is entitled to some privacy, don't you think?"

"Precicely," the Doctor agreed.

"Psh. There's no mystery," Joker snorted. "He's banging some chick somewhere."

Tali took a swipe at the helmsman, who had wisely taken a step back as he said it. "Look," she said after composing herself, "Shepard asked each of us to watch him for unusual behavior, in case Cerberus _did_ do something to him. We can't just ignore this. We're not just his crew, we're his friends. And I'm telling you, something is wrong here."

When her shipmates all started to look randomly around the room, she pushed past Garrus and Joker. "But if none of you care enough to find out, fine. I'll go by myself."

The three of them watched her go in guilty silence. Garrus groaned inwardly and started after her. "Tali, wait up."

"I'm coming too," the Doctor said, giving Joker a scowl and a beckoning finger.

Joker rolled his eyes and slowly hobbled after them. "Great. _This_ doesn't have disaster written all over it."

* * *

><p>"He got off on level 29," Tali said, following the blip on her omnitool's mapping application.<p>

Garrus leaned his head against the clear plexi wall of the elevator, his eyes closed. "I can't believe you bugged the Commander."

Tali looked up, surprised. "How else are we supposed to find out where he's going? He'll never find out if we don't tell him. Don't worry so much."

"Why worry?" Garrus asked. "We're just off the ship without permission so we can spy on our captain. There's no way this will come back to haunt us."

Doctor Chakwas also had her face against the windows of the elevator, but her eyes were wide open. She never got tired of looking across the wards of the Citadel between the massive supports of the lift, a tubular cityscape stretching as far as the eye could see, backlit by the glowing purple inferno of the Serpent Nebula. Vistas like this were one of the reasons she could never settle planetside. She listened quietly to the conversation next to her.

Joker propped himself tiredly against the handrail. He didn't care what was going on one way or another, at least that's the image he was trying to project, and the walk to the lift nearly wiped him out. He could have stayed behind, but he knew whatever the outcome of this, it was going to be _epic._ "Where the hell did you pick up a homing device, anyway?"

Tali scoffed. "I sent some of my veils down to the ship's laundry two weeks ago because I got really busy with the drive core. When they came back, _somebody_ wove one into the fabric of my favorite head scarf." She emphasized _somebody_ with an especially distasteful sneer. "As if I wouldn't notice. I re-purposed it in case it might come in handy. I never thought I'd be using it on Shepard, though."

"You're cute when you're paranoid," Joker said. Then his eyes drifted up to his hat, and he slowly pulled the SR2-emblazoned ballcap from his head, examining its brim and stitching suspiciously.

Garrus took a step toward Tali, reached out and attempted to turn off her omnitool. "This is going too far."

She pulled it out of his reach. "Hey! What are you- stop that!"

"Turn it off!"

Tali squirmed in all directions to keep her omnitool away from Garrus' hands while the Doctor and Joker looked on. "Garrus! Stop it!"

The turian, half a meter taller and half again her mass used his bulk to push her towards the wall. "Don't make me put you in a choke hold."

With her small stature, Tali twisted easily away, holding her omnitool behind her back. "You'll be glad there's a doctor here if you try it!"

"Wait! Wait, wait wait hold it!" Joker shouted. They stopped and stared at the human, who stepped forward with his data pad, its camera facing them. "You were out of frame. OK, go!"

The two aliens glared at him. Garrus plucked the pad from Joker's hand and held it out in front of Tali without looking back at her. Unconcerned about the previous struggle, she brought her omnitool up and held it up to Joker's device. It sparked, then fizzled and the pad screen went dark, with only a tiny puff of black smoke to mark its passing.

Joker's jaw fell. "Dude!"

Garrus offered the burned out pad back to the helmsman. Joker snatched it with a disgusted look. "Not cool."

"I hope you have a good disaster recovery plan," Tali said flatly.

"Awww, there goes my vid collection," Joker groaned and staggered to the far corner of the lift, trying fruitlessly to boot his ruined datapad. Chakwas glanced over her shoulder, a thin smile on her face, then turned back to the window.

Garrus watched Joker sulk for a moment before facing Tali.

She looked up at him with apology evident in her eyes. "Think we can play nice?"

"I think we can," Garrus said, feeling a little ashamed himself. "Sorry. "

"Me too." Tali shook her head in amazement, then gave a soft laugh. "Since when does Garrus Vakarian worry about playing by the rules?"

Garrus hung his head. Hothead. Insolent. Renegade_. Rule-breaker._ Every one of his commanders from his days of civic service, through Spectre candidacy, to his time at C-Sec used those words to describe him and ultimately drive him from their ranks. His father had all but disowned him because of it. There was only one person in the universe that Garrus ever followed without question because, even more than himself, he always believed in doing the right thing. "I have too much respect for the man to spy on him like this," he said quietly.

Tali tilted her head back so he could see her eyes. "And I care too much about him to turn my back in case he's in trouble. I just want to be sure. Okay?"

"Okay." Garrus turned back toward the window just to see the view disappear behind the walls of a solid elevator shaft. They were entering Zakera ward proper. He flashed back to a much younger turian police officer and quarian girl on her pilgrimage, bickering on these very same elevators as their new commander tried to keep the peace. In actuality, it was only three years before, but for both of them it seemed a lifetime. But now, they didn't need their referee to stop the fight. Just talking about him had been good enough.

Tali was right. Shepard's disappearances were unusual. And harmless or not, Garrus wanted to know what was going on. Partially because he still had an investigator's instinct, but mostly because he couldn't stand the thought of the Commander having to face any kind of trouble alone.

They rode the rest of the way down in silence except for the the tinny ersatz musak emanating from the speakers hidden in the ceiling. Garrus sighed as the lift display ticked by, floor by floor.

"Damn it," he muttered. "Have these elevators always been this slow?"

* * *

><p><em>continued...<em>


	2. Chapter 2

The elevator doors opened to a wide, bright corridor illuminated by holo signs and animated advertising displays. Species of all kinds bustled about, and the din of hundreds of conversations almost drowned out the constant jingles and muzak playing over the ward's PA systems. The two humans, quarian and turian entered the river of bodies strolling down the right side line of shops, going with the flow. Shepard had stopped less than two hundred meters away, beyond the curvature of the corridor.

Joker staggered along behind, still pounding the side of his defunct datapad. "If we pass by an electronics store, you're totally buying me a new one."

Tali held up her omni tool and clenched her fist within the illuminated hoop at its end. A bright spark arced at its tip with a loud _snap! _"Next time it won't be your datapad," she said with narrowed eyes.

Joker stopped in his tracks. "Holy shit, Garrus, that's amazing! How'd you fit inside Tali's suit?"

Tali whirled around to face him, causing a volus following close behind to stop and bounce from her leg. His respirator worked overtime to express his outrage. "Watch where..._wheeze..._you're going_...wheeze..._clanless!"

She was not in any mood to take crap from anyone. But before Tali could answer, the red-and-blue painted volus backed away and apologized. His hands shot to cover the hoses of his rebreather. "Oh! _...wheeze... _Sorry. My mistake _...wheeze... _madam. I didn't _...wheeze... _uh, I _...wheeze... _ I'll be going."

The little round alien turned on his heel and waddled rapidly away, disappearing into the crowd. Just then Tali realized it was the same volus who accused another quarian of stealing from him the last time she had been on the Citadel. She wished she could give the tiny bully a taste of its own medicine for what he had done, but she had more immediate problems. Nobody... _Nobody_ compared her to Garrus and got away with it. She focused her attention back to Joker. "You know," she told the helmsman, "we're worried about something a little more important than your pornography collection. Do you think you could be serious for just five minutes?"

Joker stared at Tali, his mouth agape. He put out his right hand. "Jeff Moreau. Everybody calls me 'Joker.' Glad to meet you."

She slapped his hand away. "I'm serious! I thought you would care more about the Commander than this!"

Joker threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, I get it. You think I don't care. Wow. That's great. Thanks, Tali. Because up until now I didn't realize what an asshole I've been. Say, do you know how many steps it it is from cockpit to the ship's main elevator?"

"What's that got to do with-"

Joker scanned the faces of his friends. "Anybody want to take a guess? Anybody?"

Tali, Garrus and the Doctor all looked at one another.

"Eighty five," Joker said. "Eighty seven-if I go starboard and stop to talk to Kelly. You know how I know? Because I count them. Every single time I go on or off shift, at least twice a day. Eighty-five freaking steps. Once I get past about sixty, it's like having glass stabbed into my spine. Now for the bonus question. How many steps do you think it took to get from _Normandy's_ airlock to get to here?"

Tali had nothing to say. Joker had gotten around on crutches or wheelchair the entire time she had known him before, and she was thrilled to see that he could walk now, albeit slowly. But it never occurred to her how much of a struggle it was for him to actually do it.

Slowly and painfully, Joker pushed past her and kept on walking. He dropped the scorched remains of his datapad into a waste receptacle as he passed. "So please. Go ahead and tell me some more how little I care about Shepard. I could use the distraction."

The Doctor stepped forward to help support Joker, but he shrugged her off. "Let go of me! I can make it by myself."

Chakwas gave Tali an apologetic glance before following after Joker. Garrus smiled wryly as he walked by. "Thanks, Tali," he said, "For once, I'm not the most insensitive bastard on the ship."

Tali hung her head and followed behind the others down the busy promenade. All she wanted to do was make sure their captain and friend was not in any kind of trouble, and the entire venture had been a non-stop parade of bickering and sniping.

Doctor Chakwas slowed her pace so she could fall back next to her. "Don't worry," she told Tali. "Joker knows you didn't mean it. And he's not one to hold a grudge."

Tali looked away. "He's entitled to it. It was a stupid thing to say. Sometimes his sense of humor is hard for me to follow. But I do know the Commander is important to him."

Chakwas nodded, her eyes scanning the bustling crowd around them. "He's important to all of us. Otherwise, would we be here?" When all she got was a shrug, she decided it was time to change the subject. "So, that volus. Did you know him? He seemed eager to apologize for running into you."

"What? Oh, that fat little _bosh'tet._ A few weeks ago Shepard and I were here, and the bastard tried to have a quarian girl brought up on charges for stealing his credit chit when he actually just lost it."

"So what happened?" Chakwas asked.

"Shepard happened," Tali said proudly. "He tracked down the stores the volus had been visiting and found it had been left behind at an electronics vendor. And when the the volus refused to apologize, he put the fear of the gods into him. Into the C-Sec officer who was going to run the girl in for vagrancy, too. He preserved what little chance she has in this place. If it hadn't been for him, who knows what would have happened to her."

Chakwas smiled. "A true white knight. There aren't enough of those in life, are there?"

That particular idiom garbled in Tali's translator, but she understood the Doctor's meaning well enough. "He's such a good man. I still can't believe he's working for Cerberus."

"I can't believe any of us are," Chakwas touched Tali's shoulder lightly to get her attention. "But then again, Joker isn't the only one willing to make sacrifices for the Commander, is he?"

"I guess not," Tali smiled wearily. The doctor was right - arguing or not, they were still all united in their quest to help Shepard. "Umm... Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Of course."

"Do you think I- I obsess over Commander Shepard?"

"Well, let me see," Chakwas spoke slowly, giving herself time to think. On the SSV_ Normandy,_ Tali's affection for the Commander was just a harmless adolescent crush. Since rejoining the _Normandy _SR2, Tali's dedication to her role as Chief Engineer was unquestionable. Where as assistant engineer Zorah would use any excuse to accidentally bump into Shepard, Chief Zorah spent most of her off shift time getting to know her ship. With two juniors on board, it would have been easy for her to order them to cover for her if she wanted to pick up her old habits. But it never happened, and the entire crew was watching for it. "I think you fight for what is important to you," she finally said. "The Commander's lucky he falls into that category."

"What about you, doctor?" Tali asked hesitantly. Chakwas had been with the Shepard even before he had assumed command of the _Normandy, _when Anderson had been the captain, and had joined with Cerberus long before he had been brought back to life.

"What do you mean?" Chakwas wore a sly smile. "Are you asking me if I'm doing this because he's... _important_ to me?"

Tali laughed nervously and nodded, not sure of how else to answer.

"Very much so. But not in that way. Just between you and me, I wouldn't mind the affections of one such as Commander Shepard... But that's not why I followed him on yet another one of these foolish errands."

"Then why...?"

"Because he's a good man. And like I said, there aren't enough of them out there."

* * *

><p>The four <em>Normandy<em> crew found themselves at the intersection of two main corridors which formed a nexus of commerce as shoppers busily navigated between kiosks in the middle. The holo displays jutting from the walls changed from clothes and electronics to food and exotic smells filled their noses, some from the restaurants themselves, others from the artificial fragrances piped through vents to entice customers through their doors.

"There," Tali gestured toward a restaurant on the corner. Unlike all of the other storefronts, the facade around its large windows was masonry and had a physical sign on an easel in the doorway as opposed to a glowing hologram. Whatever language was printed on its face did not have a galactic common translation.

_"Ristorante Monserrato,"_ Doctor Chakwas said. "Hmmm. Italian."

Garrus zoomed his visor on the decorative rock, activating the scanning routine for analyzing cover. "Impressive. That's genuine stonework."

"And these prices are _not_ cheap," Chakwas said, examining the menu on the sign.

Joker cupped his hands around his eyes and pressed them against the window. "I knew it! He's totally banging some chick!"

"What? Where?" Tali shoved Joker aside, pressing her faceplate against the glass.

"Hey, look out! There's a cripple standing here!"

"I don't see anything." Tali said. Two salarian patrons sat at a table on the other side stopped their dining with forks halfway to their mouths. Tali stepped back, embarrassed.

"Flowers on the table, mood lighting," Joker said, "entrees that cost more than what I make in a month... When you buy someone dinner here, you'd better be getting laid!"

Garrus quickly ushered the pair from the window past the corner of the restaurant. He looked over at Chakwas, who was still studying the menu, but at least she wasn't making a scene. "Does the word _subtlety_ mean anything to either of you?"

"Not really," Joker said, trying to peer around the turian.

"Did you see him?" Tali asked. "Is he in there?"

"I didn't look," Garrus hissed.

"Well, then _look," _Tali hissed back, pointing a claw at her mask where a targeting visor would be if she wore one. "That's why were here, remember?"

Garrus sighed._ Sorry, Shepard,_ he thought and took a step in front of the window, pivoted on one foot and stepped back around the corner. He then stood with his back to the wall as he played back the visual sweep in his eyepiece. "Got him. In a booth, twelve meters in, three rows back, far side of the divider. He's alone, but I couldn't see if there was more than one place setting. Interesting."

"What?" Tali asked.

"He's wearing that awful jacket he picked up on Omega."

Tali winced. "The brown one? That one's hideous."

"Yeah," Garrus nodded. "Unshaven, too. No way he's on a date. Not looking like that."

Tali turned to Joker. "Ha!"

"He's working a datapad," Garrus said, pausing the feed. "I can't see what's on it. It's behind the divider."

"Maybe you can get a better angle on him from the other side?" Tali pointed toward the far corner.

"What's the point?" Joker asked. "He's not at some super-secret evil genius convention. He's having lunch."

"But with who?" Tali replied. "You said it yourself, this is the kind of place you take a date. What's he doing here by himself?"

Garrus switched off the image in his visor and Commander Shepard faded into thin air. Having been a professional investigator for years, he learned long ago to harness the power of the quiet, nagging doubt. A crime scene looked a little too clean? Someone had tampered with the evidence. That witness eager to help the police identify a suspect? He's trying to cover for a friend. And Shepard, sneaking off to dine alone in a four-star restaurant? Something just wasn't adding up.

_But this isn't a criminal we're talking about, here, _Garrus thought. _This is Shepard. If you want to know, there's only one respectful way to find out. _He walked toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Tali asked, concerned.

Garrus did not look back. "To go ask him."

"Wait! Then he'll know we followed him!"

"He might at that."

Tali started to follow. "I'm coming with you."

Garrus turned and blocked her with his hands. "Tali? STAY. Good girl."

Flustered in equal parts by Garrus' sudden decision to blow their cover and being addressed like a pet caused Tali to freeze in front of the restaurant's main window. The same two salarians dining on the inside stared at her once more. She waved weakly and walked casually back to the corner with Joker. She looked back at Garrus. "Well at least turn on your mic so we can hear what he says!"

Garrus gave an irritated wave and activated the VOX on his visor as he stepped into the dimly lit restaurant. To the right, a bar decorated in warm wood tones and leather provided a mixed group of humans and other species a pleasant place to drink and converse. To the left towards the windows was a similarly tastefully decorated dining room lit by candles and recessed lighting. As Joker said, this was not a place to just casually meet someone.

A middle-aged human male in a dark gray suit stepped up to him from behind the host's station. He was trying hard not to stare at Garrus' scars. "_Buongiorno_! Welcome to _Ristorante Monserrato_. Can I help you sir? I should warn you, our menu is not, ah, dextro-friendly."

Garrus nodded politely and pointed to where Shepard sat alone in a booth. The Commander had a view of the door, but was occupied by whatever he was studying on his datapad. A half-eaten salad and an empty beer glass sat on the table in front of him next to a nearly full glass of ice water that was dripping condensation all over the table. "No problem. I'm not here to eat. I'm just looking for a friend."

"Oh, of course, sir," the host stepped aside, smiling. "Go right in. We do have an reciprocal arrangement with the turian cafe two doors up. If you decide to dine with your friend, just let your server know and we'll have them run something over."

"Thank you," Garrus stepped into the main dining area. The clientele were mostly human, though perhaps a quarter of the patrons were other levos enjoying the earth cuisine. Hardly anyone paid attention to Garrus as he passed. A stringed instrument he couldn't identify played a jaunty tune over the speakers just loud enough to be heard and provide an excellent backdrop to any conversation.

As Garrus approached, Shepard must have caught movement in his peripheral vision because he picked up his beer glass with his free hand. "Hey when you get a chance, I'll take another... Garrus?"

Garrus grinned and hoped he didn't sound as guilty as he felt. "I'm afraid we're fresh out."

Shepard's face scrunched into a confused scowl. "Huh? Out of what?"

"You asked for another Garrus. I'm afraid there's just the one."

Shepard looked at his glass, also hoping that he didn't look nearly as surprised as he felt. He _hated _when someone had to explain a joke. "Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. I thought you were my server. I just, uh... How did you know I was-? What are you doing here?"

Garrus found himself at a loss for words. He had been so busy arguing with Tali that he'd not come up with a way to explain his presence. _I was just passing by and saw you,_ he thought. _There was an emergency on the ship and you need to come back right away... You just won a billion credits in the lottery and have to sign for it. _Out of all those possible excuses, all that managed to escape his mouth was a weak "hmm."

Shepard's expression was now one of resignation. "Miranda sent you, didn't she?"

"Well, ah... no," Garrus stammered. Though Shepard had given him a perfectly good out, he just could not lie. "No it's not Miranda. It was... Tali."

_"WHAT?"_ Tali shrieked in his earpiece. He'd forgotten she was listening in. _"Do not blame me for this, Garrus! You agreed something was going on!"_

The quarian's voice shattered whatever coherent thought Garrus managed to piece together up to that point. He had faced death hundreds of times, seen horrors that would have sent an average men into therapy for years, but was starting to think this was the worst experience of his life. "Well you see, uh... We noticed that you had been disappearing off the ship, and uh... You'd asked each of us who were on the old _Normandy _to, you know, keep an eye on you in case... um..."

To his surprise, Shepard laughed. "No kidding? You checking up on me?"

Garrus buried his eyes in the palm of his hand. "God, now it seems so stupid."

Shepard laughed even harder and set his datapad down. "Holy shit, you followed me, didn't you?"

Garrus instinctively glanced at the pad, habitually gathering evidence, relieved to see a half-completed crossword puzzle on the screen. Whatever chance there was of a sinister conspiracy was dwindling rapidly. "Oh, Shepard... I'm sorry. We just saw this pattern of behavior and... I can't apologize enough."

Wiping tears from his eyes, Shepard had to take a couple deep breaths before he could speak. "No... Garrus, it's fine. You're just doing what I asked you to. And actually, I appreciate it. I really do. But really... I'm just having lunch, here."

"Well, I figured it had to be something like that," Garrus held up his hands. "Tali just saw some discrepancies in the logs-"

_"Stop telling him it was my idea!" _

"-and we just wanted to make sure everything was all right. That's all."

Shepard looked thoughtful. "So is she stalking me again, or what?"

_"I AM NOT STALKING HIM! Tell him I don't do that anymore!"_

Garrus shook his head. "No! Of course not. Not really." The shakes gradually turned into nods. "Well... Yeah. Yeah, she is."

_"GARRUS!"_

Shepard kept chuckling, then shrugged with a grin. "Well, Worse things could happen to a guy."

"Really," Garrus said, surprised.

_"Really?" _echoed Tali.

Shepard ran his hand back over his hair. "Wow... so what was favorite theory? Was I on the take? Or was the Illusive Man controlling me with his mind? Oh, or maybe that I was indoctrinated?"

"Joker hoped you might be having a... rendezvous, but we really didn't know what to think, Commander. That's the truth."

"Tell Joker I hate to disappoint him, but no." Shepard leaned back and waved his hands at his salad. "Sadly, this is my date for today."

The nagging feeling Garrus had almost, _almost_ gone away, but there was still one piece to the puzzle that didn't make sense to him. "And this is what you're trying to hide from everyone? Why the secrecy?"

Shepard took a deep breath and swirled his water glass around on the table, spreading the condensation puddle into a circle. "Well, not exactly. I'm just... escaping for a little bit."

"Escaping what?"

"Everything," Shepard shrugged. "I come in here and... everything's okay. There's No Council, no Cerberus, no collectors, no problems. No Commander Shepard. I'm just some guy having a beer. Sometimes there will be a game on, or I just talk to people about what they do... or sit around working a crossword puzzle. It's like a little vacation."

"I see," Garrus said. At first, he was a little hurt that Shepard was not including his friends in these little excursions, because by default that meant they represented some of the headaches he was trying to escape. _But then,_ he thought,_ there's not a single person on the ship who doesn't turn to him with their problems... Including you. _"Well... um. Don't I feel silly now? You know what? I'm going to let you get back to your me-time."

_"Oh, keelah, yes."_ Tali said into his ear. _"We should go."_

Shepard let out a relaxed sigh. "Thanks for understanding. Can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything."

"Let's keep this our little secret."

Garrus nodded. "Of course, Commander. Enjoy your meal."

_"How were we supposed to know?" _Tali asked as Garrus turned back toward the door and thought about how badly the whole encounter could have gone. Fortunately, Shepard wasn't angry. He took it in stride, the same even-tempered way he always handled things. He hadn't even been angry that they had been off the ship without permission...

Garrus stopped and glanced back at the Commander. Shepard was looking away towards the service area, neck straining as he tapped the table nervously with his hands. Garrus' quiet, nagging sensation turned into a loud roar. He walked quietly back to the booth. "Looking for somebody?"

Shepard jumped in his seat. "Dammit! What the hell, Garrus?"

"Shepard," Garrus sat on the bench across from him, "One of the things I picked up working in C-Sec for all those years was the ability to tell when someone was lying to me."

"Uh huh," Shepard said. "That's great. Weren't you leaving?"

From the corner of his eye, Garrus caught tiny ripples pulsating in Shepard's glass of water. Something was shaking the table, as if it were being thumped by a nervous human's leg bouncing underneath. "Is there something you want to tell me, Commander?"

Tali's voice sounded strained. _"Garrus, what are you doing? Leave him alone and let's go!"_

"Nope," Shepard said curtly. "Don't they need you back on the ship?"

Garrus leaned forward, arms on the table, and directly at Shepard's face. He could definitely feel the vibrations coming through the surface. "Maybe I'll just sit for a minute. I think you could use the company. You don't mind, do you?"

Shepard's lips grew thin as his jaw clenched. "No. Why would I?"

A young human woman appeared through the service door behind the booth, carrying a large, steaming platter in front of her. She smiled happily as she set it down in front of Shepard, who acted as though she were invisible. "Here you go, sir. Fresh out of the oven! Are you going to want another beer?"

"Please," Shepard said, never taking his eyes off of Garrus.

"Hi," the waitress said. "I didn't see you sneak in."

"I'm stealthy," Garrus said and winked at her. "It's a handy skill."

"We don't serve dextro here," she said, "but I can get you some water."

Garrus bowed his head politely. "That would be wonderful. Thank you."

"I'll be right back! My name's Sandy if you need anything else!"

"Thank you, Sandy," Garrus sat forward and inspected the large, round, flat dish on the table between the two men. Melted cheese bubbled beneath a layer of sliced meat, over a base of red paste covering a thick golden brown crust. He leaned back and chuckled. "You know, Miranda spent two years and billions of credits rebuilding you. And in order to ensure your new, Cerberus-funded body stayed in peak physical condition, she put you on a rather strict dietary regimen, did she not?"

Shepard stared back at him with the same blank expression as before, steadfastly refusing to acknowledge the food in front of him.

Garrus wiggled a talon at the deep dish delicacy between them. "And this is not on the list, is it? Interesting. _Very_ interesting."

Shepard's face paled, and in the dim light of the bistro, sweat began to glisten visibly on his forehead. He cleared his throat and his smile was twinged with anxiety. "Uh, this is a very delicate, and _sensitive_ situation, Garrus. I'm sure you can appreciate that."

"Mmm," Garrus said, but it was neither an affirmation or a rebuttal. All of Shepard's mysterious disappearances now made perfect sense.

"So tell me," Shepard shifted uncomfortably as the cushion beneath him turned to hot coals. "What's it going to take to make this go away?"

Garrus leaned against the back of the bench, hands folded neatly in his lap. A smile, almost imperceptible even by turian standards, crossed his face...


	3. Chapter 3

Doctor Chakwas peered through _Ristorante Monserrato_'s front window. "Garrus just sat down. What are they saying now?"

"I don't know," Tali boosted the gain on her transceiver but Shepard's voice had lowered and was no longer coming in clearly. "I can't tell."

"What, they're not talking about you anymore?" Joker asked with a raised eyebrow. "I thought you were going to smash through the glass there for a second."

Tali held her hand up to quiet him. "It sounds like they're talking about food or something. I couldn't catch all of it because _someone_ was too busy making snide remarks for me to hear."

"If _someone_ hadn't fried my pad, maybe I could listen in myself!"

"Forget this," Tali stomped toward the front door. "I'm going in there."

* * *

><p>The only thing Garrus savored more than catching a perp committing a crime was watching him try to wriggle out of it afterwards. And Shepard was squirming like a first time thief in an interrogation room. All that was missing were the tears and promises never to do it again. "You are in deep, <em>deep<em> trouble, my friend," Garrus said. He didn't try to hide his enjoyment. "Why don't you just admit what you're doing here?"

Shepard sat rigidly with his arms crossed and glared at his friend. He knew he was beaten, but Garrus never made capitulation easy for his foes. He used to admire that about the turian. "What do you want, Vakarian?"

"I'm disappointed, Commander. You should know better than anyone that bribes don't work with me."

"Yeah? How about threats?"

Garrus shook his head and smiled. "The worst thing you could do to me is nothing compared to what Miranda is capable of... or what's in store for you when she finds out. And you know it."

Shepard looked about nonchalantly. "I'm not afraid of her."

"Like hell you're not. Would we be having this conversation otherwise? Ducking out of the ship to sneak junk food... This may be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen."

"Worse than when you were dodging that chick in Bachjret Ward, and you had everybody pretend that Ash was your fiance?"

"In my defense, the woman was crazy," Garrus shuddered. "Certifiable. Plus, she was a lawyer. I did what I had to do."

Shepard began tapping on his datapad. "What was her name, again? Preeta Virama-something? Maybe I should give her a call. Let her know you're back in port."

Garrus grinned. "She moved back to Palaven over a year ago. You really think I'd set foot on this can without having done my homework?"

Shepard dropped the pad to the table.

"Nice try, though. Got anything else?"

"Whatever. It doesn't matter anyway, because it's just your word against-" Shepard looked toward the door. "Oh you gotta be kidding me."

Joker, the Doctor and Tali all sheepishly approached the booth, their eyes lowered, each wearing a guilty expression. The smile on Garrus' face, however, grew wider. Sometimes, the timing of the universe worked perfectly. "You were saying, Shepard?"

"What the hell? Is the whole damn crew down here?" Shepard turned his head around, looking over one shoulder then another. He half expected the Illusive Man to stroll out of the bathroom, trailing a stream of smoke from the cigarette permanently grafted between his fingers.

Chakwas put her hands on her hips when she saw the pizza and there was no mistaking the disappointment in her voice and on her face. "Oh, _Commander..."_

"'Oh, Commander,' indeed!" Garrus could hardly contain his glee. "Let's see you get out of this one, Shepard!"

Chakwas leaned over Shepard, trying to get him to look her in the eye, but he became very interested in the view outside the restaurant's windows. She pointed a long, slender finger toward the offending entree. "Please tell me this is not the reason we're down here."

Garrus sighed heavily. "It is, Doctor, it grieves me to say. It is."

"You're so full of shit," Shepard said, ignoring Chakwas. "You're loving this!"

"Every minute of it."

"I don't get it," Tali looked around. "What reason?"

"That," Garrus pointed to the pizza.

_"That?"_ Tali squinted at the round dish on the table. Covered in glistening red and yellow liquids, sprinkled with torn shreds of meat, it looked more like a giant third-degree burn than anything edible. "It looks like an under-suit skin infection. Why is it on a table where they serve food?"

Joker poked his head between the two women at the end of the table. "Uh... Is that real pepperoni?"

Shepard's eyes lit up. "Why, yes it is! Only place on the Citadel that has it!" He stood, pushing Chakwas and Tali aside and guiding Joker to the bench by his shoulders. "And it's all yours."

Joker glanced around in shock as he lowered in front of the half-meter of heaven in a pizza dish. The smell of garlic, herbs and spiced meat wafting up made his mouth water. He looked quizzically at Shepard. "It is?"

"Absolutely!" Shepard said and clapped him on the back. "It's, ah, the fifth anniversary of that time... we went to that place and and did that thing. We set this up weeks ago to celebrate, remember?" He stared at Joker, hard.

"Uh... Right."

Garrus rolled his eyes. "I take it back. _This_ is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen."

Shepard tried again. _"Remember?"_

"Oh, _riiiiight!"_ Joker said again with an exaggerated nod. "I can't believe I forgot! That's just like me, isn't it? Thanks, Commander!" He picked up a slice, molten cheese dripping from its edges, and shoved it into his face. The burning sensation on the roof of his mouth was exquisite.

"Keelah!" Tali squealed as Joker took a bite out the giant festering wound. "You're _eating _that?"

Garrus pointed a talon at the pilot. "No, no, no... Joker, put that down. Put it down! Stop eating the evidence!"

Chakwas wore a sad expression. "Really, Commander?"

Shepard stood with one hand over his heart. "I'm just a captain trying to show appreciation for a job well done. Is that so wrong? Good, isn't it, Joker? Ordinarily they only serve neapolitan style, but if you ask them, they'll whip you up some good old-fashioned deep dish!"

"Ordinarily?" Garrus asked. "Just how many times have you been here, Shepard?"

"Uh, me? Never. First time. Read about it on the extranet."

"Right."

Joker was positively giddy. It had been years since he'd experienced the genuine article. "Oh my god, this is _awesome!"_

Shepard smiled. "You probably need a beer to wash that down, don't you?"

"Mmmph," Joker said around a mouthful of pizza, but his emphatic nod got his message across. He swallowed thickly. "You are the best commander _ever!"_

Shepard fixed Garrus with a stony gaze. "Glad somebody appreciates that." He glanced around for their server. "Now where'd Sandy go?"

"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Tali interjected.

Garrus's brow plates converged into a scowl. "Joker's low-hanging fruit. It changes nothing. You are going down, my friend."

"Fuggh ewww, Garruph," Joker tried to keep the hot cheese from touching the top of his mouth. While still chewing the last chunk of the first piece, he reached out to the tray for his second as Tali looked on in horror. Mesmerized, she watched the human gorge himself on the goo-covered bread.

Chakwas rubbed her temples. "Commander Shepard, we put you on the diet because it's in your best interest. What you eat has a direct effect on your recovery. You are still healing."

Shepard ran his hand over the rough scarring on his cheek left over from the Lazarus Project. "You've given me a dozen physicals since I've been back. I've aced every one of them, have I not?"

"True," Chakwas reluctantly admitted. "You appear to be in perfect physical condition. That's not the point-"

"Uh-huh. And you've reported yourself that these scars are purely cosmetic. There's no other damage. So let me ask you this: if I turned up in your office on my own without having been ordered to do so every week for a physical, would you see me? Or would you chew my ass out for wasting your time?"

Chakwas sighed. She didn't enjoy the weekly examinations any more than Shepard did. "I agree that Miss Lawson's scheduling of these physicals is a bit excessive, but she-"

Shepard raised a finger. "And let's pretend that for, say, the past two months I had been eating my normal diet. This is just hypothetical, mind you, but let's say I'd been straying from the program for two months and it hadn't shown up on the test results, and no one had caught it thus far."

"Purely hypothetical, I'm sure," Garrus sneered.

"We're talking Land of Make-Believe, here," Shepard said. "But it would pretty much prove my recovery is not affected by, ah, anomalies in my diet, wouldn't it? It's just some line item on a report somewhere, isn't it?"

Again, Chakwas could not argue, but it was not up to her to decide. "I'm sorry, Commander. I don't have a choice. I'm going to have to report this."

"There isn't anything I can do to change your mind?"

Chakwas sounded exasperated. "I can't just forget what I'm seeing here!"

Shepard reached across the table to the condiment holder near the wall and picked up a thin notebook bound in black leather. He opened it up to the first page and handed it to the Doctor. "Maybe you just need a little help."

Chakwas caught a glimpse of a few of the names on the wine list in front of her. Almost in a trance, she took it into her hands and sat down next to Garrus to inspect it. "Oh, my..." her voice trailed off, her eyes aglow with delight.

Garrus stared at Chakwas, mouth agape. "Really? That's all it takes?"

Chakwas made a light shooing motion with her free hand.

"No, Doctor," Garrus pinched the wine list between his talons. "I can't let you do this."

"Mister Vakarian," Chakwas said calmly, holding tight and still reading from the list. "If you don't remove your hand, I will remove it for you. Surgically."

Garrus did not let go of the list, but he didn't try to pull it away, either.

Chakwas looked at him from the corner of her eye. "Without anesthesia."

The turian quietly released his grip.

"See anything you like?" Shepard took a seat across from her, next to Joker. "Check out the last page. They have a whole selection from Earth."

Chakwas sighed happily. "Oh, I _do_ love French wine! But it's awfully expensive..."

"Price is no object. Nothing's too good for my crew." Shepard held up his hand and looked around. He made eye contact with the server and waved her over. "Sandy! We need a couple of Eden's Drafts, and for the lady here...?"

Chakwas smiled up at the server very much like a child looking up from a toy catalog. "Have you tried the '73 Gevrey-Chambertin?"

Sandy's eyes reflected the deep shared love of a fellow epicurean. "Oh, It's one of my favorites. Absolutely wonderful."

Chakwas held up her hand, making a dainty 'smidge' gesture. "Could I trouble you for a glass, please?"

Shepard's smile oozed charm as he looked up at their server. "Oh, go ahead and bring the bottle, Sandy."

"Right away, sir! Will there be anything else?"

"Yeah," Joker said, trying to cover his mouth so he wouldn't have to pick up anything that fell out later. "Garlic bread!"

"Yes sir," Sandy asked. "Anything for our alien friends here?"

Garrus stared at Shepard. "This is just sickening."

"Agreed. You are a rotten influence, Commander," Chakwas said. Though for having just sold her soul, she felt remarkably good about it.

Tali could not take her eyes from the helmsman as he tore into his fourth piece of... whatever it was. She winced with every bite the human took, ignoring the server next to her.

"No, I think they're fine," Shepard waved Sandy off with another smile. "But thank you!"

"Wanna piece, Tali?" Joker asked. Chunky red residue caked around his mouth and dribbled down his chin. In actuality, he wouldn't ever have offered had she actually been able to eat it. Food this good he didn't feel like sharing.

"Is that blood?" Tali gasped.

"Tomato paste!"

Tali groaned as Joker cradled another triangle-shaped piece that looked like it had been stripped from the belly of a live animal and tore into it with his teeth. She forced herself to look away. "That's the most disgusting thing I've seen in my life. And I've been to Tuchanka."

"You don't know what you're missing," Joker said in between bites. "Damn, Tali, you should stalk Shepard more often. Where we going next time, Commander? I mean... for our next 'anniversary.'"

Tali and Shepard joined forces to produce a combined death glare. Shepard casually stretched his arm out and gently grabbed the back of Joker's neck. "It's not polite to talk with your mouth full."

"Yes," Tali added. "You could definitely choke and die if you're not careful."

"Wouldn't want that to happen," Joker said, "at least not until I'm done." Knowing Tali was still watching, he pulled his hand away from his face, leading a long, stretchy string of cheese from his lip. She gasped with disgust.

"Here you go," Sandy returned with her tray and set down two pint glasses filled with pale ale in front of Joker and Shepard, and more glasses of water. Then, setting her tray down, she placed a long-stemmed crystal Burgundy glass in front of Chakwas, who nodded approvingly when the bottle was presented to her. Sandy slit the foil seal from the top and proceeded to uncork the bottle. Deep purple liquid poured into the glass, and Chakwas lifted it to her nose for a long sniff. She sat back against the cushion, eyes closed, smiling warmly.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, Doctor," Garrus grumbled.

Chakwas swirled the base of the glass against the table and the dark wine swished around its bowl. "Oh, I am. I am. But I expect after a sip or two of this, I won't care. It has been _years_ since I've had Earth wine..." And with that, she opened her eyes, took a short sip. Her already low voice purred with pleasure. "Oh my... That is _lovely."_

Sandy beamed and poured a full serving into the glass. "Isn't it, though? Can I get anything else for any of you right now?"

"You wouldn't happen to have a meat and cheese tray, would you?"

"Yes ma'am. Would you like one for the table?"

"Please!"

Joker waved the hand that held no pizza. "Garlic bread!"

"It's in the oven now, sir. I'll go check on it."

"Thank you, dear," Chakwas said, taking another blissful sip of her wine.

Shepard raised his glass. "To loyalty!"

"Hear, hear!" Chakwas said and gently tapped glasses.

"Cheers!" Joker added his own glass.

Garrus laughed derisively. "OK, Commander. You may have gotten the human contingent to sell out, but you won't be able to ply Tali or myself with this poison, you know."

"Tali?" Shepard said, looking up at the quarian with a smile. "I don't have to worry about Tali. She'd never stab me in the back."

At the mention of her name, Tali snapped free from Joker's spell, abruptly remembering why they had come to this place to begin with. "I'm going to stab _all _of you if someone doesn't tell me what is going on."

Shepard sighed. "Garrus is just trying to ruin my life is all."

"It's for your own good, Shepard," Garrus countered. "It's a health issue, Tali. We're trying to protect the Commander from himself. That food he foisted off on Joker is not very good for him. It's loaded with all manor of harmful substances. Not to mention, _very_ fattening. Isn't it Shepard?"

"Wouldn't know," Shepard said, pulling his neglected dinner salad in front of him, thankful Sandy had not absconded with it. "This is all I'm having."

"Well, that's probably for the best," Tali batted her eyes, "because you have been getting a little soft in the middle lately."

From around the table, all eyes went to Tali, then to Shepard. He looked down at his salad, then back to his engineer. "You know what? You're fired!"

Tali giggled. "Don't be so sensitive. I'm just kidding."

"I'm in great shape!" Shepard poked himself in the abdomen, "I defy you to name _one_ person on the ship more physically fit than me."

"Jacob," said all four of his crew mates, simultaneously.

Shepard stirred his salad and tried not to look hurt.

"Miranda's pretty ripped, too," Joker said.

"And there's me, of course," Garrus added.

"Crewman Goff," Chakwas raised her glass slightly. "He's a _fine_ physical specimen."

"Mess Sergeant Gardner," Tali said.

Shepard wiped his lips with his napkin. "I think maybe it's time for all of you to leave."

"So that's it," Tali's voice made her annoyance clear. "No big conspiracy, no need for a rescue. We chased you down here because you're cheating on your diet?"

Shepard stabbed his fork into the bowl and held up a chunk of romaine lettuce. "Allegedly."

"Allegedly, my ass," Garrus said. "You are busted, Shepard. Admit it! We caught you. No amount of bribery or technicalities will change this fact."

"Is that so, Detective?" Shepard's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Tell me, what's going into your official report? You saw me eating a salad? That I ate my vegetables? Go ahead, take a blood sample. Won't show anything. You got nothing on me._ Nothing._ I mean, you've got motive, sure. You may even have opportunity..." He waved his fork over his salad. "But you've got no crime!"

Garrus's sharp teeth ground together in a menacing smile. "Oh, but there's criminal intent here. That's all I need to make the charges stick. You've been here before, don't deny it. I'll subpoena the transactional records of this restaurant, if I have to. You're not getting off that easy."

Shepard sighed sadly. "You really going to roll over on me like that, man?"

"Justice must be served," Garrus said firmly.

The Commander glanced up at Tali, who looked back and shook her head at him, scorn evident in her eyes. He shrugged. "All right, fine. You want to snitch me out to Miranda, I guess there's nothing I can do to stop you."

Tali's head snapped around to Garrus. All of the fear, all of the humiliation, all of the powerlessness that Shepard had felt before now seemed to channel directly to the turian as he realized what had been done. If there was one thing more feared on the ship than Miranda's maniacal devotion to protocol, it was a certain quarian's temper when it came to Cerberus. Slowly and deliberately, Tali folded her arms across her chest and cocked her head at Garrus. "Miranda?"_  
><em>

Shepard stretched back with his hands behind his head and grinned as Garrus withered under Tali's scrutiny.

"Uh..." Garrus stammered.

Tali seethed in her suit. "You're spying for_ Miranda?"_

"That's what it boils down to," Shepard said. "Can you believe that? One of the old crew, selling me out to Cerberus."

Chakwas put down her glass. "That is rather underhanded. And uncharacteristic of you, Garrus."

Joker put down his last slice of pizza, half eaten. "A dick move is what it is. Pretty low."

Tali continued to stare down the turian. "Well, we came down here to find out if something was wrong. Maybe we did. I can't believe any of us would take sides against the original crew. Especially against Shepard!"

Shepard crunched on a chunk of lettuce. "Apparently, Garrus doesn't feel the same way."

Garrus hung his head. Shepard had brilliantly manipulated the crew into taking his side, but that really wasn't the problem. Garrus never should have been on the other side to begin with. Tali was right. They had come down here to help Shepard, not hurt him. He cleared his throat. "Admittedly, I may have crossed over the line a little here."

"Mmm-hmm," Shepard said.

"And?" Tali asked sternly.

Garrus gave Tali a dirty glance then turned back to Shepard. "I would never go behind your back to Cerberus with anything, and you know it. It's entirely possible that my desire to see you sweat may have gotten the better of me. You know I can't stand when someone tries to get away with something. Rally, though, I think what bothered me most was that you felt the need to hide something from us."

Like in a tennis match, the spectators of the court turned their heads to follow the volley. Surprisingly, Shepard did not have an immediate return. "Okay I can see that. But I tell you... There are some times when I need to be by myself and not be under everyone's scrutiny. Even if it's well-intentioned. Now there may be times when I can't tell you something because of operational security... but outside of that, I shouldn't be keeping secrets from my friends. Especially all of you."

Chakwas looked around the table. "This whole thing has been rather silly, hasn't it?"

"I know I feel thoroughly embarrassed," Garrus said.

"Me, too," Tali said.

Joker wolfed down the last scraps of the final slice of the pizza. "Well, I'm happy with how things turned out."

"Actually, I am too." Shepard said. "It's good to know all of you have my back. I mean it." He looked at the ring of faces surrounding him. They may have interrupted his meal, but what he got in its place was much more satisfying.

Garrus shook his head sadly. "And I was so close..."

"Close to what?"

"Getting you to confess."

Shepard plucked a straggling piece of pepperoni from the now empty pizza tray and popped it in his mouth. He smiled with innocence in his eyes. "Confess what?" He checked the time on his datapad and stood. "Well I'd love to stick around, but I've got to get going if I'm going to be on time to see Anderson. Thank you all very much for ruining my lunch."

Joker let out a belch. "Our pleasure, Commander!"

Across from him, Doctor Chakwas gently tapped the wine bottle in front of her. "I may need another one of these to take back to the ship, just to make sure my memory loss is complete."

Shepard sighed. "I'll have Sandy bring another bottle to the table when I settle up. Anybody else want to get in a jab before I go? Anyone? Okay, I'll see you all back on the ship_. _And I presume I shouldn't ask Miranda if you got her permission to come down here, should I?_"_

Suddenly, the space around Shepard assumed the amazing ability to deflect line of sight, as each of his crew looked away simultaneously. "That's what I thought," he said with a knowing smirk. "Guess it's a good thing none of us have anything to hide from her then, huh?"_  
><em>

As he started to walk away, Tali stepped in front of him, her hands working overtime as she rubbed them nervously together. "I'm sorry about all of this, Commander."

_Of course,_ Shepard thought. _Out of all of them, she was the only one who felt the need to apologize. _"Thanks, Tali. I really appreciate the fact that you care." He looked her in the eyes and smiled, then patted her warmly on her shoulder as he walked past. She turned to watch him go, her mind in the clouds, energized like she had not been for weeks. That look on his face would be enough to make her smile all day... until she heard a loud, puckering sound behind her. The white, puffy clouds disappeared as she looked back at the table.

Joker clasped his hands against his cheek and looked skyward with his lips pursed, making an obnoxious kissing sound. Garrus caressed himself with his eyes closed and cooed, "Ohhh, _Commander, _you're making my mask all foggy!_"_

Tali's omnitool flared around her left arm, erupting with a static shock that made both men sit up and take notice.

Meanwhile, Doctor Chakwas paid them no mind. She leaned back with her eyes closed and took long, luxurious sips from her glass, blissfully content in the knowledge that she would have another entire bottle to savor back on the _Normandy._

* * *

><p>"And another bottle of whatever wine that was," Shepard said as he handed his credit chit to Sandy at the restaurant's front counter.<p>

The young woman took it and scanned it into her data pad. "You know I could have taken care of this at the table."

"No," Shepard said, looking back where his crew sat. Tali was now sitting next to Joker, jabbing her claw furiously across the table at Garrus while the pilot's face was turning red with laughter. "I should go."

"Well, we thank you for coming in. That will be four hundred and eighty-six credits."

Shepard blinked. "How much?"

"The wine," Sandy said apologetically. "It's kind of on the pricey side. You still want that other bottle?"

Shepard nodded resignedly and pointed to the check. _You just had the most expensive salad in history, _he thought._  
><em>

Sandy gave him a sympathetic smile. "It's very sweet of you, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Well, that depends," Shepard said, dropping his voice to a whisper, even though no one else was around to hear him. He looked around to make doubly sure and leaned in close. "Do you deliver to the Presidium?"

* * *

><p><em>The End<em>


End file.
